I’m working on a new poem called ‘Fix me’. That’s not the point of this post, it’s just a reminder to myself really.
What I’m really going to write about is encountering conflict. I know I’ve done that before, in a removed sort of way, with the intention of providing something useful for those engaged with the new VCE English course. I’m marking context essays by the pile in my daytime life now, but I can’t really comment on that. I can start thinking about how I will start my students off next year, and one important aspect of this whole context business is that it’s not entirely an abstract, theoretical thing but something we are all involved in on a daily basis.
Take this morning. I was waiting for the 6.32 Saturday morning tram to East Coburg, as one does, when I felt a light blow, which I realised after a moment’s perplexity was connected to the Hungry Jack’s Fanta cup(and I expect payment for this commercial) next to my foot and the red car speeding away with an open window. I was stickily splashed, and felt assaulted in some small way. I may have mouthed an imprecation. It may have been audible.
Then my tram came, in time the splashes dried, although my jacket probably needs dry-cleaning, and the incident was over.
Except.
It occurs to me that if I make this something useful for 2009, and if I avoid feeling angry, I win. That’s misleading. I felt angry briefly, and had the normal impulses. it occurred to me that breakinbg a headlight or two on that red car might be pleasant – but if I had the opportunity I know I wouldn’t have done it. I wondered briefly about motive behind the assault, but couldn’t be bothered thinking about it for too long. Rather, it occurred to me that in such situations, if you do get angry or upset, the incident lingers with you. If you let it go, the power is yours. You can control your own reactions, and you have not been sucked in to a negative mindset, you have not been reduced to the level of a combatant in a conflict you don’t begin to understand. If you see that as winning, you have accepted it as a contest, and that is equally a trap to be avoided..
There is nothing I can do about the fact that some idiot, apparently not a very thirsty idiot, threw a half full container of drink at me. But there is a lot I can do about the way I feel about it and think about it.
I noticed a long time ago that writing about things that were hurtful was very positive because if you can produce a piece of writing with which you are pleased the hurt is diluted, if not eliminated. We do have a personal power, we always have a personal power.
I hope the idiot got indigestion from his Hungry Jacks, but I don’t care very much, because it wasn’t an important incident. As much as anything, what we might aim to gather from ‘this living’, as the great Dorothy Parker terms it, is a sense of what matters, and often that requires us to rise above our immediate impulses. It might not be easy, but there is a degree of satisfaction waiting for those who can manage the trick.
But that’s all a bit preachy. I’ll try to finish off the poem soon.
November 4, 2008 at 9:51 am |
What a wonderful opportunity this incident was for you to explore the local dry cleaners; to become familiar with the fare offered by Hungry Jack’s; to wonder what motivates the throwing of a missile such as this out the window of a red vehicle; to wonder about the dietary requirements of the young; to wonder if you were indeed targeted or simply standing on the wrong kerb at the wrong time and then to prompt such an inspired piece of writing for your blog. What a fortuitous event for you Jeffrey.
PS I know you wouldn’t have smashed the headlights, but I’ll bet it was fun, even fleetingly, thinking about the looks on the faces of the car occupants if you had. I hope you had your running shoes on. LOL